remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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