He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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