i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
