It's Friday. Sex?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
