so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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