I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
