So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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