Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
