Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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