Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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