I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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