In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
