Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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