I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
