I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
