so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
