"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
