i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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