how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
