Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
