She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
