I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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