I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You made out with two different species that night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
