What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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