Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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