I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
