hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
