her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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