And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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