I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
