guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think people are normalizing furries
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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