just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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