She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
