TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
