And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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