Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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