I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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