I accidentally had phone sex last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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