Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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