woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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