Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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