I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
