He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
