I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
