ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
