this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
