Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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