Just cropdusted the office
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
