So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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