I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
