Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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