Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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