well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
