i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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