Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
