I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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