I swear she didn't look like that last week.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
