laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
