John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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