You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
