Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
