my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
