y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
