sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want to fling myself into the sun
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
