But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
