i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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