And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
