It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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