Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
