Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
