i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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