Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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