I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
