If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
