If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
