I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
