I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
