i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
