this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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