I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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