great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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