I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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